thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
