My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
