happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
