I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
a search helicopter?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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