you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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