So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
