DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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