I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
