Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
