first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
