You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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