I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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