with your own penis?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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