that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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