Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
