Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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