I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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