Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
