this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
