If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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