We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
