Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
