why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
