Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
