i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
