he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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