I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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