As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
