Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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