$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
