fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
