she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
