So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
