I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
