Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
