Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
