my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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