Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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