Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
