I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and she was petting her beer can
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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