i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
