sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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