Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Who died my cat blue again?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
