yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
