She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
