hotel room ftw
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
