i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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