I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
