I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
