Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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