Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sext me about skeletons
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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