having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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