I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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